ARE WE IN A SEXUAL RECESSION?
Recently I listened to the Impact Theory podcast. The guest was Sex Therapist Emily Morse. What was immediately apparent, is the significance of non-sexual points, like balancing your identity that seem to be the catalyst for why sex, or intimacy for that matter, has found its way to the bottom of the proverbial “to do” list. Basically, the more confident and centered you are within yourself, the better you can relate in connection with others. That’s obvious though, right?
And yet, perhaps in a social-media, stuck-to-our-phones world, it’s not. Sure we smart enough to recognize this but maybe just too lazy to change.
We should let the power of touch and communication lose its potency, so why do we?
Intercourse Aside…Are We Addressing The Changing Dynamic Between Men and Women?
Have men and women lost their desire because of shifting priorities or the redefinition of intimacy? I was talking to someone recently about this, and they claimed that the “Greatest Generation” got married because of societal norms – get married and have a family. The social construct around it was much more rigid, and accepted. However, the World Wars experienced, could also have a significant role in the WWII baby boom. After experiencing so much loss, what becomes front and center is not taking life for granted. Love and sex are main stage in that. The value of life meant more.
Personally, as a Gen-Xer, in high school, I loved to date. I loved being part of couple – the late night phone calls, making out on Strawbridge Lake, the basement parties. In college, it was more of the same idea, enjoy sex and being the hunted and the hunter at the same time. My last semester of college, the first day back, I met my husband. The seriousness and responsibility of life was starting to sink in.
Though I have been divorced for over a decade, I have noticed that younger generations have a different feeling on dating and relationships. The idea of having a “boyfriend” seems antiquated. In fact, I would argue there is such a realistic view on relationships that non-serious, sexually-based connections, are called “situationships.” The bond that makes it “relational” doesn’t always exist. Women, younger women especially, have a bolder view of their sexuality and the idea of “settling down” is not necessarily on the forefront. Perhaps its predictable, as the younger, digitally native generations rebel in the face of older generations. The desire, “goal” to be in a monogamous relationship, get married and have kids, “settle down” is no longer assumed. Sexual autonomy is much stronger as media is everywhere, all the time, in real time. Women especially seem to Relationships are no longer linear. Cum to think of it, neither is experimentation.
It is not surprising if some men feel a little deflated or even intimated by this bolder approach. Men, after all, have always typically been in control. It was easier, when there wasn’t so much noise in the atmosphere between social media and dating apps.
Intercourse of Sex & Love: The Messiness of Intimacy
Sex and intimacy are like love and lust. While they enjoy a direct relationship, they don’t always co-exist. The pandemic created isolation. Experience that long enough, and sadly it becomes habit forming. We have to be brave enough to venture into the stickiness of touch, listening and loving boldly. After all, what is living life if not to have vivid memories – bad, good and ugly? Its time to take risks with our hearts.
Me Before You: Relationomics
Regardless of your dating health, “I” comes before “you.” As overplayed as it sounds, focus on becoming the best version of you. Then focus, on the kind of person you want to attract. While, online dating has grown exponentially since the mid 2000’s, in 2023, only 13% got engaged or married from dating apps and 7.2% had a relationship that lasted between 6 – 12 months.
One could say that it is the volatility of dating apps, and social media that exacerbates anxious behavior, making people more withdrawn and struggling in social situations. I think that takes the accountability away from the individual. Let’s not go down the victim mentality rabbit hole.
When you look at those stats, the best bet you could make is on yourself. In the meantime, practice makes perfect with your favorite professional companion. That is one way to keep any kind of recession at bay and to find yourself flourishing.